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November 3, 2009

Interior Room 715.

Me: (sits on edge of bed, opens laptops. Clicks Safari: computer idles. And idles. And idles.) Ach. (Picks up phone, dials 6 for reception)

Male Voice: (After several rings) Hello reception desk how may I help you?

Me: Yes, I’m trying to use the internet-

Male Voice: Yes Ma’am, please dial 0 and they will give you the pass code.

Me: Oh, ok, thank you. (hangs up, dials 0)

Male Voice (from desk across lobby): Yes Ma’am hello.

Me: Oh, yes, hi – I am trying to use the internet and it’s not working.

Male Voice: Yes Ma’am, you have exceeded our complimentary internet service. How many days will you be staying at the hotel?

Me: Um, until Sunday morning.

Male Voice: We can offer you a weekly rate of 8,000 rupees plus one day.

Me: I have to pay for internet? But I was just using it yesterday.

Male Voice: Yes Ma’am. We offer two hours complimentary use each day.

Me: Oh. Oh ok, well can I just do that then? The free two hours?

Male Voice: Yes, Ma’am. I will send someone to your room with the name and passcode.

Me: You can’t tell me on the phone?

Male Voice: If you hold for a moment, I will have our IT person come to your room with the name and passcode.

Me: But, why? Can’t you just tell me now?

Male Voice: Please hold Ma’am. (3 seconds pass) Ok Ma’am, here is your username: F for faculty, C for Charlie, A for Announcement, D for Delta, the number 3, the number 9, P for pickle, L for London, the number 7, the number 2, K for kentucky, T for turkey. Your password is the number 6, Y for yak, I for India, B for button, the number 1, R for radio.

This is the for the first hour of internet Ma’am. I will send our IT person to your room with the name and passcode for you second hour.

Me: But, but, but you can’t tell me now? On the phone?

Male Voice: Hold on Ma’am (3 seconds pass). Ok Ma’am, here is the second username and passcode: F for farther, C for cat, A for antidote, D for down, the number 3, the number 6, C for can, U for Utica, the number 4, the number 0, S for sugar, L for lipstick. Your password is the number 6, Y for yellow, I for instant, B for boy, the number 3, H for happy.

Me: Great. Thank you. (hangs up, attempts to go log onto hotel access site. Nothing.) Ach. (dials 0).

Male Voice: Yes, hello.

Me: Yeah, hi, I just tried to go on the inter-

Male Voice: Ma’am, please dial 6 for reception.

Me: Uh, oh, but, oh, but. Ok. (Hangs up. Dials 6)

Male Voice: (after 6 rings): Hello.

Me: Hi. I want to go online. My password and code aren’t working–

Male Voice: Hold on please, I will transfer you. (transfers call to desk across lobby)

Male Voice: Yes, Ma’am. You are calling from Room 715 Ma’am?

Me: Yes. You gave me a username and password. To go online. It’s not working.

Male Voice: Actually, Ma’am, you don’t need a name and password right now. You can just go online.

Me: (Hangs up. Clicks Safari. Success.)

(Repeat scene twice daily).


4 Comments leave one →
  1. Jennifer permalink
    November 3, 2009 12:39 am

    ROFL. WTF? And we (as in the US in general) thought outsourcing IT operations there was a good idea??? I can’t stop laughing. Hope all is well.


  2. Elliot permalink
    November 3, 2009 1:10 pm

    Is their phonetic alphabet for real ? I’ll bet the real reason those Air India pilots got into a cockpit (appropriate for the ensuing article on eggs) fight (this if for real – read if you want to ROFL)

    ( …. Oct 9, ABC news)

    was because they couldn’t agree on whether it was I for Imbecile or I for Idiot. Ironically, it is I for India for Air Traffic Control.

    Enjoy India – it’s a wonderful place once you overlook the P for Petty details.


  3. DMG permalink
    November 3, 2009 1:35 pm

    hilarious! brings back the fondest of memories.

  4. ash permalink
    November 3, 2009 11:55 pm

    fantastic! that conversation as well as the numerous similar versions you will have during your stay is a very important part of the experience there….you will be side rolling your head in agreement to more odd “chats” than this before you know it….it is a part of india’s first rule; acceptance. and having accepted it…we roll with it.
    make sure you try one of the delhi night clubs (a whole other side of that city, equally as rich in people watching and therefore a key part of embracing the culture, a couple of the better ones are actually in malls.
    by now you must be wanting to dress the part right? (work out kit underneath obviously). well make sure and go to Fabindia (there are all over but the better one is one in khan market) for all your kurta,jutti,jhodpour, sari, scarf needs. very beautiful and very cheap. be safe.

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